Something New

There's a new kind of stress in town theses days, a new kind of exhaustion.  Were I have completely adapted to the stresses of being a student I am now facing the emotions associated with leaving that role and leaping into a new one.  I am wondering if my education has prepared me fully; can two years truly prepare an OT student to enter fieldwork where at the end they take on the full load of an entry-level occupational therapist?  I stress because I don't feel entirely prepared or confident about starting my fieldwork.  And the question remains, will I, in the next 6-8 months, become the kind of OT that I want to be upon officially entering the field?  Will I be any good at this job I've spent two years and unthinkable amounts of money that I do not currently possess working towards?  I want to believe that it will all work out, I really do.  History (my own and that of my program) tells me it will, but with the novelty of the situation I can't be sure.

More than worrying about my preparation and what kind of an OT I will turn out to be, there is also the stress of a changing lifestyle.  As a student you may have afternoons off, though they can be filled with homework. I will soon transition to working full eight hour days.  My fall fieldwork will start at 7 AM,  which I predict means I'll be in bed by approximately 9-10 every night.  Joining the rat race if you will.  I wonder if my satisfaction with my chosen profession and use of my free time will be enough to keep the little kid in me going.  I don't want to lose her to the stress of increased responsibility and perceived constraints of a full time job.  Essentially, I am wondering how balancing my life will look from here forward.  There is a lot of adjustment that is going to take place very soon.  And I'm scared.  There are moments of excitement but it is sometimes hard to imagine how all these changes could occur seamlessly and without conflict.  These thoughts are leaving my with tension through my shoulders and upper back and a good amount of exhaustion as I enter the last couple weeks of didactic coursework, at the same time hanging on the promise of what could soon be.