My Fight with Food

Ooh, food is a touchy subject around these parts lately.  Mostly because I love it.  And want to eat whatever I want whenever I want.  Then my little friend IBS rears it's ugly head.  There are days when my stomach is turning uncomfortably to the point that I just don't want to eat anything.  Nothing sounds good when you can hear bubbles of God knows what moving through your entire digestive system.  It gets to the point, though, when I just get frustrated and say to my stomach, "I don't care if you're hurting right now, its 9:00 PM and I'm going to eat!"  That usually doesn't really resolve the problem.  It actually prolongs the problem the majority of the time.  It's especially frustrating when I've planned a dinner with friends and by the time the dinner rolls around I've found that my stomach is in some state other than the happy, natural one I would like it to be in.

I now know stress last semester was probably a significant part of the symptoms I've experienced and they have gotten much better this semester in many ways.  But whenever I feel my stress levels rising it seems to poke back around.  There are also times when it pokes back around and I can't quite figure out why.  Mornings are usually dicey, which is heartbreaking because having that wonderful hungry feeling in the AM and then simply fulfilling it is now a luxury and I didn't appreciate it's magnificence in the past.  I know there are certain foods that aggravate things (coffee. can. ruin. me.) but some of these foods used to be my absolute favs (like cheese, and baked goods full of butter and milk).  I've found some wonderful alternatives (soy yogurt is amazingly delicious and well-made vegan cookies can disguise themselves as the real thing) but it's hard sometimes to stay away from the things I know I should avoid.  I also have not been charting everything I eat along with my symptoms to systematically review what foods in my diet are aggravating (this is what has been suggested by several healthcare professionals I've seen along the way).  Mostly because I've charted my food intake before for a nutrition class and it takes quite some time out from your days and weeks.  Thus far, I have tried to keep a running mental log of things that bite back after I've bitten (and chewed) them.  I know it's probably not the best method but as I said I've identified a couple food items.  

I'm wondering lately how exactly it works, trying to not only restructure your diet, but in many ways your relationship with food.  Sometimes I feel like food and I are in a fight.  He gets mad at me then I resolve that, but then he does something stupid and pisses me right off.  The cycle continues, as one fight is dissolved another rears its ugly head.  I also wonder at one point I need to head back to my GI MD to see what medications are available.  What level of IBS symptoms are/should be tolerable?  There's so much about this condition that is unclear which makes the day-to-day process of adjusting to it frustrating.

This has been a little bit of a rant but I think I needed to get it out.  I have been voluntarily changing my concepts of food (and portion sizes) the last two years or so and this has been a wrench thrown into my changing concepts of the stuff we eat.  I want to find a healthy balance with food, where I can eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full and not have the need to munch on something while studying or feel like I don't have the desire to eat because of the state of unrest my digestive system is in.  Hopefully I'll get there.