Anxiety Monster

Its hard to concentrate after spring break. The idea is that you have a week off to rest, explore, travel or whatever and then come back to classes rejuvinated and ready to bang out the rest of the semester. It used to work for me, I think. But I suddenly have acute onset senioritis. Exploring grad schools and the new area of the country I will probably be living in just increases my desire to get out of here. Its so easy to think about the new experiences I will be having and the fact that I will soon be on a much more clearly defined career path. And the anxiety monster peaks its head out. It trys to make me unhappy and discontent with the place I am at. Though I am excited to be planning for grad school I also want to enjoy the time I have here with the people who have been my family the past four years. So I'm trying to battle the anxiety monster and enjoy every last minute of my senior year. But its difficult. Even when I get to the place where I realize how great it is being here with my friends I get anxious about leaving them. To solve this problem I'm trying to read because I truly believe the right book can help subdue the crazy that seems to come out of me from time to time. The two books my mom has given me this past semester and the bible are what I'm focusing on. I've also thumbed through the passages in Anne Lamott's Plan B that I marked. These two in particular stuck out to me today:

"Life is not what one had in mind; it's not the TV sitcoms or the commercials, or the photo of the Sudanese baby. It's punishing. It makes you want to punish back."

"Hope is not about proving anything. It's about choosing to believe this one thing, that love is bigger than any grim, bleak shit anyone can throw at us."

In my heart, in this moment, they somehow work together beautifully. And for the moment I've conquered the monster.