Day 1

Beginning day 1 of two weeks without dairy to try and figure out what exactly is wrong with my digestive system. Lord, have mercy.

Enter the REAL grad school experience

It turns out my last academic year was a kind of fantasy in which I thought that I would slide through my graduate experience with flying colors and no stress spending every night curled up in bed watching an assortment of tv programs or reading or enjoying the bay area etc. I've come to a schreeching halt this semester with the start of clinic.

Clinic means real people as patients. And DOCUMENTATION!! And feeling like I will never be able to do any of this on my own in any kind of reasonable time. Conscious incompetence is what one of our professors last year called it when you are painfully and uncomfortably aware that you are not quite capable. That pretty much sums up the last two weeks. And, yes, I am getting ahead of myself worrying about my competence in the future. Chances are I will indeed learn how to do all the things I need to do at the right time. But it currently took my group (myself and two other students) three+ hours to complete documentation for an initial evaluation. Many working therapists see several evals a day on top of their other patients. And complete the documentation THAT DAY, BY THEMSELVES! Holy moley that seems impossible right now. And I've found I'm impatient. I want to instantly be the most perfect student therapist who ever was. But thats never how its going to be. I'm now beginning to grasp what its going to look like to stay current in my field and continue to use best practice techniques that are rooted in evidence. Especially in my early years as a therapists. Its going to look a lot like I'm still in school at times. Going home and studying and researching.

It's honestly overwhelming. But I think it would be cause for worry if I didn't feel this way.

So here I am. I woke up late for class Thursday and magically pulled a muscle in my upper back in the course of rushing to get to school on time. I got a kicking haircut on a lovely Friday afternoon. I watched the entire first season of Arrested Development this weekend because anything that entailed leaving the house seemed to require too much effort. But I did muster the strength to leave the house and explore downtown Oakland and discovered some new things. And went to church then ran into a UPS friend at the market after. And, in general, currently spend a good portion of every day missing various people that I've found myself far from by my own doing which means I can't feel sorry for myself.

Yep, not exactly smooth sailing this year. But I'll definitely learn something by the end.